Black and Blue!!!

I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted right now. I have truly become a sun and exercise addict. I want to just move and enjoy the sun. Working helps with that first part, so I have to make it point to get the second part done. I've been working that in by going outside during my breaks.

Yesterday's work was very straining. My coworker was actually shaking trying to put these 22 inch shelves up(we're both semi vertically challenged). I ended up with more bruises than when I first started. All over my biceps, forearms, and even my leg. Yeah, that's singular. One leg seemed to have gotten the brunt work. It looks awful, but it's all in a day's work sometimes when you're on the Wal-Mart Remodel crew.

I've also been searching my soul for what to do about D and me. I don't know where my feelings for him went. I have truly changed a lot and we are completely different people now. I am (and I can't believe I'm saying this) an outdoorsy sun loving nature trail walking woman. None of that fits with what D would like to do with his life. We're not on the same page, much less reading the same book as some people say. To be honest, I'm most of the way okay with this except for how it's going to affect everyone around me. Strange to say, I know. Yes, I am upset. No, I didn't ASK for this. Yes, I want it to work out. But no, I don't see that happening. Love is not making someone change to keep you around. It's so great that he is willing to exercise and eat better if it means keeping me. What's not great is that he'd likely end up being unhappy doing this. I want to try to make both of us happy some how. I think if he could get himself straightened out some how(he and I have talked about his issues), then both of us could find some happiness. Ugh, that's like word vomit. My decisions are my own and I'm trying to remain true to myself through it all and be as honest as I can about my feelings.

My job could be ending in a week or two. No one truly knows yet. There have been rumors of course(aren't there always?). I need to check the job sites to see if I can find anything else in the meantime. I'm so exhausted at the end of the day though that I barely have time for anything anymore, especially when we have random errands to run. Speaking of which, I'm about to fall asleep here. Time for some shut eye. Til next time...