Well?

"That's a deep subject." It's what I've always been told when I say that. Honestly, my mind is truly in deep thought lately. Maybe that's part of my problem. I can't seem to stop thinking.

The other night, we talked. Tears, apologies, the whole nine. I explained how I was feeling(again), but this time he actually listened. Unfortunately, my emotions feel like it's just too little too late. I've cut out the physical aspect, so I could get a grasp on my emotions and what was truly going on. I couldn't figure out why I was so scatterbrained last week, but by the end of the week I had come to this realization. I think he finds it impossible to read and be in sync with my emotions. I like to believe I'm a pretty open book when it comes to how I feel, so it's almost as if he's just not paying attention to it. You get in your little alternate universe and don't see what is going on around you. Tunnel vision, from the couch to the tv/laptop.

I've found something I like doing. Wow, I like working. What is wrong with me?! Ha. I like being active. Something I really never thought about before I started my journey. Gosh, when I first started I dreaded working out. Now I enjoy a good workout/sweat. I'm not seeing that in my future here. It's almost like I've emotionally given up hope and I'm emotionally empty inside. So yeah, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I thought the zing was still there, but after cutting out the physical I've noticed it's not. That's what I was saying about the emotional connection. It could have been gone for six months-I just don't know and never realized it.

I completely overate last night. Stupid emotions, but I've gotten down to what I was two weigh ins ago. If I can keep myself straight and find some where to walk at work, whether around the building or in store, then I might manage to get below that by Sunday. We'll see. I'm not fretting over it too much, simply trying to listen to my body and eat until I'm satisfied.

I feel like an idiot at work sometimes. Managers/Supervisors tell me things and I completely forget. That was only yesterday though. I like to think I'm pretty good at remembering important things. Sometimes I DON'T think(*GASP*) and end up reacting with it inevitably blowing up in my face. Blah. Who knows, I could be on another job hunt in a few weeks. Again, something else out of my control. I'm just going to do the best I can until we're done. I have to find my last check stub for Ally's WIC appointment and then get her ready to go. Wanted to take her early since MIL is picking her up around 8, but I don't see getting her there early happening lol. Gah! We're over the hump-yay! Happy Thursday, til next time!