Slump #5,000,002

I don't even know where that number came from exactly. Just pulled it out of my head. Been doing that a lot lately. Actually, not so much in the last few days as in the last few months.

This week has been tough so far. I've been trying to find another job. I even fixed up a resume, adding my new skills to the pot, and getting references ready for the job agencies. Well, for a job AND these job agencies... You need your social security card. I can't figure out what the heck I did with mine. I put it some where after Wal-Mart had their hands on it. Since some days I don't remember what I did the day before, of course no I don't remember what I did with a card I had out two and a half months ago. Of course not. It's driving me insane. I want out of this house. I want something to do!!! Knowing I can't and won't be able to do anything without that card is daunting. My last paycheck(tomorrow) will be mostly covering the next month of daycare until I can find something else. I would /hate/ to end up taking her out of daycare. She likes it. I LIKE IT. Monday was torture. She was so ill. She knows her routine and staying at home with Mommy who doesn't give her the right drinks/food or coddle her... Well, that just isn't part of her day anymore!

Add on top of everything, I'm quite depressed. I probably shouldn't be because getting rid of someone who I have trouble controlling my mouth/other things around is a good thing... Right? Yeah... Right? In turn though, that means no one for me to text or BS around with(something I had gotten used to) and loneliness results. What a sad sap I am!

It's coming up on another year of change for me and I can't find it in me to be happy for myself. A lot of people probably think my changing is the reason why things suck right now. Okay, if you need something to blame... That's your prerogative. Would I go back to where I started this journey? Or even further back? NO. I don't even have to think about that. Misery isn't in the same category as where I was then. Disastrous is closer! I'm probably being a bit melodramatic, but my change is a serious thing to me. For people to suggest it brought on such negativity... It kind of hurts because I went from being uncomfortable in my skin to loving myself more than I ever have in my WHOLE LIFE.

Alright, enough of that. I have things to search for so maybe I can get out and apply at some employment agencies. I'd even be up for a few temporary jobs just to add to my skill list. Hopefully the funk/fog will slowly desist as I get used to the way things are now and being short one friend-if you call someone who lies to you and/or other people about the most retarded minuscule things a friend. Meh. Think positive! I truly believe that being positive can turn things around somehow. When I was working, if I believed I would have a good day and didn't let things get me down...then it was better for me. Try, try, try again. Til next time!