Why Not Now?!

I have been through a lot of change in the past year and a half. Life has thrown up some new curves and I'm expected to go through more changing. You would think it'd be easy as pie now. It's harder than ever.

If there's anything you DON'T want as an adult, it's to be told what to do. We had enough of that growing up and living with mom/dad, right? When you do something stupid in a relationship that warrants practically being told what to do, it's hard to come up with an argument. Just suck it up and deal with it. That's what I'm trying to do now and holy cow, it's giving me quite a headache.

There's also this incessant need for sleep since I'm not working. I managed to make it to 2 pm today before I passed out. Slept for 3 hours. D believes we fell asleep around 10:30 last night and I woke up at 6:30. Ain't nothing right about that. As much as I hate to pay the money, I may need to get myself on into the doctor. They typically say the same things to me though- "It's tiring being a mom", "Raising a child can be exhausting", or something along those lines. I mean, I can't say that I blame them when my labs have ALWAYS come back normal. No anemia, no thyroid issue... With it being $50 up front for just the office visit, I would hate to know how much it would cost for them to check me for a vitamin deficiency. Could just need a simple change in meds, but I swear that almost seems necessary EVERY SIX MONTHS. I'm tired of the yo-yoing. I'm tired of a lot of things that can't be changed right now. Seems to be the way things are going.

So far the job hunt sucks. I put in my applications for Wal-Mart and Sam's Club this morning online. Luckily, a lot of employers work through internet applications or else I'd have gotten nothing accomplished today. I got up after D left this morning and got Ally up. Grabbed her car seat cover out of the washer and got it ready to go. Went to get my keys... Where are they? We were out and about a lot over the weekend and last I remember, I had them out to unlock the car so I could get my charger since we were taking the van. I was figuring they were in the van. Come to find out, D confirmed that when he took his lunch. Yep, I knew it. For the first time in a LONG TIME, I actually knew where my lost keys were. Strange!

I'm disappointed in everyone's expectations of me lately. I am happy that most are not pressuring me to make a quick decision when it's seems so point and click to them. Just deal with it. Accept it as it is. Really? Emotionless and all? Ugh... Might as well pop me into the Sims game of your choice and operate me with a remote control. It's basically how I'm living for the moment until I find another switch to flip or something else... That's where it all is. I've been crazy cooped up in the house today. Tomorrow's a new day and I look forward to getting out there. Til next time...