Hard Worker

Almost four months into the workforce and I have my first 12 hour work day. Unexpected. I made it through it. Obviously. I'm here, aren't I? ;) I'm in pain, but I'm here!

It's been a busy week. I checked on some apartments, but it didn't pan out. No low income units available. Yeah, let's admit it-I'm for sure low income on my own. LOL My 32-33 hours a week isn't going to afford a condo in the Hills. Hardly. The regular units were $530 a month, which sounds like prices IN TOWN and this place was OUTSIDE of town. It seemed steep and the landlady(landlord? lady?) admitted that. There was a low income unit available in another town but it was clear across on the other side and would be about an hour drive for me. Blah! I know there's plenty out there though and I just have to keep my head up, continue to look. I also had my niece over while I was off work(two days straight-yeah!). It was a nice change. She reminded me of myself though with how she could probably sleep through a tornado... :)

I went into work at 9:30 am yesterday, expecting a long day. It's always hard going in mid-shift because it just seems to make the hours drag out. I don't know why that is, but it is. Unexpectedly, it was really more like a blur. I was there, then it was lunch time, and suddenly nearing time to go home. Something hit. My coworker was feeling ill. She's a hard worker and isn't one to bow out easily, so I could tell she was seriously not feeling well. I offered to stay in her place. Mind you, I was scheduled for 9:30-6 and she was scheduled 3-closing(any where from 10-11). Since I got back from lunch at 4, I had to leave by 10. I made it happen and I'm hoping I was able to help enough to get my coworker out of there by 11 or so.

On my way out, I had to make a detour and get some potato salad/banana pudding that I was going to buy(forgot it in the deli). It was going to get tossed out and it was only around $3 worth, so I figure "Hey, it's dinner!" lol I went around and back to get that, then passed the break room to leave when I ran into someone I've started talking to. We've only talked 3 other times-if you count the first time because I wasn't paying attention and really don't know if he was even talking to me or my coworker! I hadn't noticed him at that point, but we ran into each other a following night and have been talking a little bit since then. Not a lot, just idle chit chat. Really, the lengthiest conversation so far has been 20 minutes...maybe 30, which was last night. I wasn't keeping a tight check on time, so I can't be completely sure. It was just basic conversation that you could have with anyone. Of course, I was a bit disappointed to come home to discontent and threats. I realize I've made huge life altering mistakes. Putting said mistakes in my face time and time again and using them against me in a way aimed at other people in my life is not the way to heal this situation. Hurt added to hurt added to hurt ADDED TO HURT leads to... Need I continue? That's all that is left here. I just want to heal and move on, which seems impossible in the current predicament. Did I want to leave after all that last night? I mean, he wanted to know the details of our conversation. It didn't feel right to sit here and give a play by play on the discussion I had with someone else. "Basic conversation" was not enough of an explanation, but it's not important when it's not going to help OR HURT the situation any. Am I trusted enough for belief in my review of the conversation anyway? Who knows. Hell yes, I wanted to leave after that and I know exactly where I wanted to go but I remembered past mistakes and how reaching out to others uninvolved in the situation only led to more problems, so I knew what I had to do. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what was BEST. I'm confident in my ability to realize what that is lately and I'm proud that I maintain some self-respect in myself even when I'm being put down by those who love me. No matter what mistakes I've made(and taken responsibility for), I'm still a person and I do try to be a good person. I can't explain my decisions sometimes and oftentimes they can be regretful, which is the reason for my current actions or lack thereof when it comes to certain things. I stand by the belief that I deserve a certain level of respect as a person.

I have a headache from being on here, amongst other reasons I'm sure, and I also need more to eat before I go. I don't want to be starving by the time I get to my lunch break because I might eat everything in sight then! I need to figure out what I'm taking for lunch as well, hmm... Til next time!