I opted to use a shape as my title today. I keep getting thrown back to "square 1" in lots of ways, so I'm feeling rather square. It's not fun, but I'm going to move with the changing winds lest I get carried away involuntarily!
For some reason, I have what doctors call nodular acne. It's a severe form of acne that causes scarring. It flares up at seemingly random occasions and I don't know why. According to them, it's stress and diet and other typical factors that come into play with this kind of things, and I should be on Accutane. There were no questions on work/diet history that could be altered before throwing a booklet at me on this drug. I was then instructed not to read the information. "If you read it, you won't want to take it and we wouldn't prescribe it to you if it wasn't safe." Um, hi lady- I just met you five minutes ago. How do you know what this drug is going to do to me? It can severely deform or even kill a fetus, you don't want me to be well informed on the possible side effects before I take it, AND I have to be monitored through out the treatment? So I'm at square 1 again and practically left to decide my own course of treatment because anyone else's is either a)too expensive or b)could kill me. I could die quite expensively too, no either/or about it. I never had issues with medications up to last year(or the year before, it might have been) and I don't think I should just accept a medical treatment without looking into it first, even if I can't afford it. So I have some research and thinking and conscious decision-making to do on that part. Now I'm left with these charges using up my health insurance allowance when I had no idea what all was going on. I felt bombarded with it all. Maybe a discussion about it tonight will help settle my mind about which way to go.
I am about to fall asleep! I was supposed to work til 10:30 but with 4 people closing, I left at 9:45. Still didn't get enough sleep when I got up around 5. My alarm clock woke me up before he left. :) I'll be more than ready for bed tonight. Hopefully Ally will too. I'm so happy to have her again. I feel incomplete without her. I hope she'll always know how much I love her and that none of my choices in life affect that love. Our happiness is what matters and I feel like we're happy when we're together. I've found that when you're happy in one aspect of your life, it kind of flows over into other aspects of your life as well. It feels good... Til next time...
"To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness." ~ Robert Brault
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2 comments:
I have a friend who was or may still be on Accutane. On the pack of pills it shows all the deformations that can happen to your baby if you happen to get pregnant while taking it. If you are being safe that shouldn't be an issue- the big issue is the mental problems it can cause. serious mental problems.
The lady who told you not to look into it is an idiot, it is a huge decision. MTV did an entire Tue Life episode on it. Doctors suggest you get continuing psychological therapy while using it to make sure you don't go and off yourself- its that kind of serious. However, it has AMAZING results- so it all depends on how well you think you can mentally handle a drug as intense as that
Tim and I talked about it and pointed out how I have a history of a lot if not all of the symptoms it can aggravate. The "amazing results" thing is tempting; I'd love to have clear beautiful skin, but I've had similar reactions to medications that are the same as the symptoms Accutane can have-vision impairment, headaches, bowel problems, depression. Had I not been rushed through the process, I would have requested we try a different route. I have no money left in my HMO to go back so any further costs would be out of pocket and I just can't afford it. I'm hoping my insurance will even cover what was already done since it wasn't "medically" necessary and could all be considered cosmetic. Eh. C'est la vie for me!!
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